Angel of Mine
by Reena
Summary: 2x4 pairing. Major shounen-ai alert. Written in honour of V-day...read it!!! Please? It's angsty and sappy and fluffy!!!!
1. Chapter 1

Ok, this is a repost of the story I wrote quite a while back, V-day of 2000 to be exact -_-;; Iknow, I take long to finish things...leave me be. Good news is, this is the first multi-part fic that I've actually finished to my liking, be proud of me ya'lls. ^_^ I may still come back to this in a couple months or so and further alter/revise/rewrite it, but most authors do that with their fics anyway. Changing things just comes naturally.

Chibi Duo: What's this? **points to fic** Am I in it?

Yes dear, it's a fic and you're in it.

Chibi Duo: Ah, Ok then...is Quatre in it? **looks at her Chibi Quatre hopefully**

Yes dear, Q-chan's in it as well. Now you to run off and play.

Chibi Duo & Chibi Quatre: 'Kay!

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Angel of Mine

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Chapter 1

It's been four months...four months since my blonde haired little Angel failed to come back from his latest mission. Four months since I haven't gotten a good nights sleep or went three minutes without either blowing up or crying. Four months ago tomorrow...it's February, the 13th actually. Tomorrow is Valentines Day.

I thought for once in my life, just once, that I'd be with someone on V-Day, just once. But no, my innocent little Angel got called out on a mission and hasn't been back since. 

I'm not mad at him, I'm mad at myself for falling for it again...falling in love. Love...I hate that word. It only brings me sorrow and death, like everything else. Everything I _love_, everything that _love's _me has to die. It's not my choice, it just happens. It was my fault for falling in love after all the barriers I put up to prevent me from doing just that. My fault for making those barriers so easy for someone to seep through, like the light chases away the darkness. I know, I sound like Heero...but the truth is, him and I are very alike. His barriers though, are just plain and cold. At least I give the impression of remaining cheerful, whether I am or not.

It seems though, that even though most fail-safe barriers have at least one weakness, Heero's is the weak, or people he needs to protect. Quatre's mine. 

_~I remember the first night he came to me, Trowa had...well I'm not going to say what Trowa did. I don't want to remember and we all decided it was forgive and forget. My little Angel knocked on the door to my room at exactly 3:24 am. that night, I'll never forget that. I new it was Quatre, I knew just from the knock on the door. Heero's would've been brisk, three times. Trowas' almost as brisk, twice, and accompanied by him saying it was him. WuFei, well, Wu-man hardly ever knocks...but if he does it's a lot like Heeros'. Quatre's different, his knock is so gentile. Usually three knocks lightly and a 'May I come in Duo, it's me.' is what I get from him.~_

~That night was no different, Quatre asked quietly if I was awake and I muttered no. I heard him turn to leave and jumped out of bed, practically tripping as I called him back. I grabbed his ankle from the other side of the door and he 'eep-d'. Such a cutie. I told him to come back in and he looked down at me with this sad little smile of gratitude. Me on my back on the floor, and him smiling down at me. We went into my room and he was sitting there playing with his hands, really nervous. He gets so quiet when he's nervous...like an adorable blonde mouse. He sat there like that, with me beside him, for about five seconds before breaking out in tears. That's what got me, why would a beautiful Angel like him have to cry about something? As much as it pained me, he was happy with Trowa. And me, well I was a brother of sorts. He told me then, what Trowa had done. Him choking out words between sobs and crying into my shoulder for over two hours. I sat there the whole time, amazed that this poor little thing would put himself through what he let Trowa do to him. I sat there comforting him and reassuring the little blonde Angel that threw himself into my arms. Quatre finally told me how he felt about me, not just friends. I convinced my feelings for him too, afraid that if I didn't, he'd be hurt beyond repair. I loved him for a long time, I just...I dunno, never realized it until I grabbed his leg in the hall.

_~Quatre begged me, pleaded with me, that night. He wanted me to have my way with him. I refused. Now, I wanted to, boy did I ever, but he was in too much of an emotional wreck for me to feel comfortable doing it. I'd never _ever _want to take advantage of him. He took it _as _rejection though, and almost ran out on me. I caught him and explained my reasons. He understood quite easier than I expected and we fell asleep on my bed. Him in my arms all night, curled up close to me with his head on my chest, breathing softly and looking so beautiful as the lights from the city reflected off his angelic face through my window. That's the one night I'll never ever forget, the first night he fell asleep in my arms. That one and the night after that...boy was that fun.~_

I go to my bedroom now, the tears streaking freshly down my face. I'll dream of him tonight. Why the hell do I have to dream? If it was just of him I wouldn't mind, but the Maxwell dream...he's in it. He's Solo, he's Sister Helen, He's father Maxwell.....it hurts too much. 

I lay down on the bed and stare out the window. 

_~The next morning I woke up before Quatre and stalked into Trowas' room, pouncing on the boy. He woke up and practically jumped out of his skin, not a sight you see often in Trowa...true fear. I explained my case to him and cheerfully described several ways I could kill him. He apologized profusely to me. To me though, not Quatre. Not my poor Angel. I demanded he apologize to him though, he blatantly refused. I had expected as much and told him that, as well as the course of action I would take. Quatre got an apology that afternoon. That night Quatre showed me how grateful he was to me, three times.~_

I finally drift off into a nightmare filled sleep. Hours later I wake up in a cold sweat with new tears streaked down my face. I can still smell the soot from the burning church. I can still see my beloved Angels' ravaged corpse on the ground covered in—

I stop myself and grab a glass of water as I walk out to the living room. The rest of the guys are out on a mission...fine by me. Shinigami prefers to be alone sometimes, only ever truly loving the company of that blonde haired Angel of Life. I mean, sure...the other guys are good company, but they're all so quiet. Heero and I get along well at times, as well as WuFei and me, when he's not after my braid with his swords...Trowa and I've never gotten along well even _before_ the incident with Quatre.

I shake my head and glance at the calendar, February 14th...my Angel of Life, I'm sure he's alive. Funny though, the God of Death in love with the Angel of Life. I chuckle to myself through my tears and plop down on the couch, downing the water. Angels can't die, right? Especially the Angel of Life...so he must be alive somewhere. Even if I can't look for him, even if I can't do anything...they can't take away my hope. The other pilots will never take away my hope.

_~They were going to move the safe house. Heero told me that night, "About 300 k's West of here." is exactly what he said. He also said we'd all have to go, so there was no chance of me staying behind to wait for my Angel. I guess Heero read the emotions on my face when I let my mask drop because he explained that we had no choice, and that it'd only be worse for us if we were to stay here. It'd be no good for Quatre if we all died. I numbly agreed with him on that when Trowa spoke up,"Face it Duo, he's dead."~_

~I can still remember the cold look on his face, impassive as ever, and that look of satisfaction in his eyes when he saw me blanch. But, I'll also never forget the look in his eyes when my fist connected with his nose, stomach, jaw, and wherever else I hit him before WuFei and Heero pulled me off. I then demanded that if we were changing safe houses, that we stay in the same area to make it easier for Quatre to find us if he needed to. I saw something flash before Heero's eyes as he let WuFei lead Trowa into the bathroom to get cleaned up. I think it was pity...or maybe compassion, that I saw before his mask was back in place almost as quickly as mine. He merely nodded and mumbled a 'Hn.'~

The doorbell rings and I get up to answer it, dropping my glass in the sink half heartedly. I turn the knob to open the door but stop myself. What if it's an enemy? 

Maxwell, you idiot...you should check first. Oz is all around us, remember! I grab my gun from the table beside the door and slowly turn the brass knob. The door whips open and I point the gun in the visitors face. There's really no point in being cautious if they know you're home, right? I'm not like Heero, I intend to ask the questions before I shoot.

My heart stops and I drop the gun at what I see before me. My blonde haired Angel...in front of me...after four whole months. 

"Qu—Quatre?!?!?"

His clothes are tattered, his vest is totally gone. His beautiful face looks tired yet happy under the dirt smudges. And his eyes, his Cerulean eyes, they're still sparkling with life after what he must've been through. I quickly asses him for visible injuries, there're none that look to be of any serious nature. He's got bandages on, and a couple burns but looks to be in good health. If only I could find out...

"Hai, nice way to greet your koi. A gun in the face..."

"Gomen nasai!!!" I quickly drag him inside and instantly my mouth claims his in a deep, soul-searching kiss that nowhere near makes up for the four months of abstinence and torture I went through. We finally pull back for air after about five minutes of our tongues getting re-aquainted. "Where've you been? I missed you koi! I thought you might be hurt!!! I even thought you might not come back to me for awhile!!! What were you thinking disappearing for so long?!? I love you and never do that to me again!!!" I babble nonstop. He puts a finger to my mouth to shush me and hands me a rose. Funny, he manages to put his needs aside for me, just to go out of his way and give me this one flower...

"I'll explain it all later. Happy Valentines Day Duo!"

Then he gave me that smile. That exact same smile like he did last time....I knew what I was in store for, and I didn't mind a bit.


	2. Chapter 2

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Chapter 2

I can't believe it, he loves me. I still have trouble believing he loves me...even after last night. Oh Allah, now _that _was fun. Who thought he'd have _that_ much energy?

I smile as I check my latest e-mail. Duo and I had, well...gotten together just a couple days ago. It all happened quite fast really. I frown a bit as I remember.

__

~I opened the door to our latest safe house quietly, it was about 2:00 am. and I had just returned from a short mission. I was trying to be really quiet as I came in, tip-toeing across the living room towards the shower. I wanted to take a shower and surprise my koi. Trowa thought I'd be back in a couple of days but the mission finished early. I was so happy to come home and see him, I thank Allah every time I make it home after a mission. ~

~I stub my toe on what I think is a chair and bite my lip to keep from making a noise as I hop toward our bedroom, Trowas' and mine. As much as I love the taller boy, I still can't help but glancing a Duo's door. I mean, I'm happy with Trowa, really I am. But I, well...I really like Duo too. I'd never cheat on Trowa, not ever. I sigh and decide to forego the shower tonight. I'm way too tired to even navigate across the living room without hitting something to be safe in the shower. I stop as I near the door to My and Trowa's room. I think I hear a sound coming from inside, I'm not sure though. Funny, I think quietly, Trowa never makes a sound...even if he's dreaming. He hardly makes a sound when he makes love to me. Maybe he's awake then. Turning the knob, I slowly push open the door and gasp in shock. There, right before my eyes, is Trowa...my emerald eyed koi. His body has a fine sheen of sweat on it and he's moaning softly. That's when I realize he's not alone. There's someone under him, someone's adding their soprano voice to his lower alto based moans. I quietly step a little to the side to get a view of this intruder. Trowa doesn't see me, he's too wrapped up in what he's doing to the person below him. The person below him, right...the person whose hair is tangled and matted to their forehead. The person who my Trowa is moaning for as he pleasures himself ruthlessly. He'd hardly ever utter a sound when he was with me, not a sound. There's a pain in my chest and a wash of emotions hit me as I realize the person underneath him. Anger, disbelief, fear, denial, and last of all, an extreme sense of betrayal and sadness. All because of this person, this one person. Red lips, messy chocolate hair. The emotions filter out to leave me with anger as I see Trowa's hand reach up to grab the intruders breast. Yes, breast. If it was Heero or WuFei, I could stand it. Duo even...but no, he left me for a girl. With my anger in charge of my thoughts, and a terrible pain in my chest, I close the distance between myself and he moaning couple. Finally, Trowa notices my presence and I see shock in his eyes. The shock his quickly expended and is replaced with a cold look I've only ever seen on Heeros' face as he continues to thrust into the nameless female below him. I lose it then, I reached out to the quiet European boy at the beginning of the war...and I reached out to him now. But this time it was with a fist. That taken care of, I leave him sprawled with a sore jaw over the interloping whore I found in our bed. His bed, I don't belong there anymore. I stalk out of the room and stop in the hallway, where would I go? I look to my left, Heero's Room, WuFei's a little farther down. To my right, the door to Duo's room. In front of me, the door to the street. Trying to decide, I spin around in the hall, looking up at the ceiling for guidance, damning and praising Allah interchangeably. The door to Duo's room creaks a bit and I think I hear something from that end of the hall. Biting my lip, I slowly walk down to the braided pilots' door.~

I shake my head and lean back in my chair, away from the computer temporarily. Memories make my chest hurt. I spin around on the chair halfheartedly and a rueful smile lands on my lips. Chuckling to myself I get up and go to the fridge for a drink. My eye catches on something colourful on the fridge door, beside Duo's collection of Chibi-Gundam magnets, it's a note written in the magnetic letters Duo always had with him. I chuckle to myself again, remembering the day I had come into the hanger to hear WuFei ranting about the injustice of an 'I love you Ch-Chang!' message on Shenlong's foot. Duo ran over and grabbed back his coveted letters before WuFei could throw them out. The braided boy threw WuFei a lopsided grin and gave me the peace sign when he walked back my way, showing me his letters.

I looked closer at the message on the fridge and another smile comes to my lips.'I love ya Q-man! Forever mine...I went out with Hilde to get some groceries. Be back soon, I'll bring Catherine and her knives back for Trowa!!!' I laughed at the last part. Catherine, although always seeming to hate me for turning Trowa away from females, was being surprisingly supportive of me. She even threatened to hit Trowa _accidentally _the next time they had an act.

I giggled to myself as I opened the door and reached into the fridge to find a jug of Kool-Aid right at the front. It was one of Duo's favorite kinds because, according to him, 'it was scythe green'. There was a paper note stuck on that as well. I plucked it off, 'I made ya my special Scythe Kool-Aid!!! 2.5 times the recommended amount of sugar to get ya hyper by the time I come back!!!' I practically went into a giggling fit from that one, earning me a half-glare from Heero, who was working at his laptop on the kitchen table. I mutter an apology and poor myself a glass of the lime-kiwi Kool-Aid. Taking a long swig of it, I carry the now half-empty glass back over to the computer. I sit back down and scroll through the latest e-mails from the Maguenaques, answering them as methodically as I have everyday of my life. I still make sure they'll never become cold hearted, I always respond politely and warmly, but it's been happening for over three years now so it's a bit of a routine. I drift back off into my memories.

_~I knocked softly on Duo's door, not wanting to wake him if he wasn't already awake. I told him it was me and asked if he _was _awake. He grumbled something negative. Dejectedly I turned to leave, not taking more then three steps down the hallway before I heard scrambling, muffled curses, and felt a hand grab my leg, at which I squeaked in surprise. I looked down startled, to find Duo on his back, tangled up in his sheets, and holding the leg of my pants for dear life, telling me to come back in. I tried to form a smile to give him, but I guess it came out kind of sad because he practically pushed me into his room with a worried look on his beautiful face. You don't see Duo worried often, he's always strong and playing it cool. Something to be sure is going to be there through this war, and I guess that's all we need, something to lean on. I sat down on his bed nervously as he inquired about what was bothering me. The pain in my chest grew larger and more sharp and I knew I couldn't contain it any longer. I burst out in tears and buried my head in his shoulder, explaining everything to him. I also confessed my love for him, love that I've had since I first saw the braided boy. So beautiful, so strong, and so wild looking...I knew I would eventually fall for him, even if I had Trowa or not.~_

~I begged, yes begged, him to take me. Have his way with me. Looking back on it as I am now...it wasn't too smart a thing to do. I was just trying for revenge at Trowa, I needed to feel wanted, I thought _I needed to be fucked into oblivion like that whore under Trowa was. With any other person, even Trowa, I would've gotten my wish. But Duo, my Duo, he refused me. At the time I took it as out-right rejection and almost ran out on him. He stopped me though, and explained himself...that he wouldn't feel comfortable taking advantage of me in the state I was in. I understood and we went back to his room to talk, I feel asleep in his arms. I've never done that with Trowa, he always fell asleep first and preferred not to be touched while asleep. Duo was different, he let me cry out my sorrows and fall asleep, him cooing to me and running his fingers through my hair as I fell asleep with my head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat.~_

_~I woke up the next morning to find him gone. I panicked temporarily until he bounded through the door with a huge smile on his face, proclaiming that he had ordered out breakfast for the whole group. He hurried me out of bed and I came face to face with Trowa, who quickly averted his eyes. Duo just slung a protective arm around my shoulders and kissed me on the cheek as he lead me to the table where WuFei, and Heero were already seated. I sat down, followed by Trowa, who still wouldn't meet my gaze. Duo bounced into the kitchen, still full of energy so early in the morning, and bounced back out carrying plates and plates of French toast, pancakes, waffles, and everything else you could ever imagine. He plopped them down in front of us and plopped himself down in his seat. Everybody dug in.~_

_~Following breakfast, WuFei left to talk over something with _'that damned onna' _who we've discovered as Sally Po, and Duo and Heero left to do some touch ups on their respective Gundams. That left me alone with Trowa. Trying to avoid him as much as possible, I headed for the shower and closed the door in his face, rude of me, I know...but I was scared. After finishing my much needed shower I felt better though, and walked into Trowa and my shared room to grab some clothing. I met Trowa there on the bed. He just looked at me for awhile with those emerald eyes of his. He eventually spoke to me, explaining his reasons and excuses, and profusely apologizing to me for his actions. I agreed to forgive and forget...but I'm still having trouble with the forget. Trowa also let me know that it was Duo who had made him realize how wrong he'd been. I made a huge mental note to thank Duo when he got back that night and I did...three times.~_

The computer screen beeps, waking me out of my reverie. I open the new e-mail and curse fluently in Arabic as I discover it's a mission. I de-code it and commit the details to memory. Shutting down the computer I notify Heero of my mission and its' location, for future reference if need be. I then pack my stuff and stop by the fridge on my way out the door, re-arranging the letters as a note for Duo. Kissing my hand, I place it under the note and walk quickly out the door as a tear falls from my cheek and I bid a silent good bye to my koi.

"Du-koi, a mission came up. I'll be back in a week, tops. Love you with all my heart. ~Quatre" 


	3. Chapter 3

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Chapter 3

My eyes slowly open to find an older man standing above me, smiling. It's not a warm smile, not even a cool one. All I sense from this man is cold hatred and a touch of smug amusement. I panic momentarily, wondering where the hell I am and who the fuck this bastard standing over me is. I groan as I remember everything, and wish that I could just roll over and go back into that welcome darkness. I don't want to remember it, I don't want to remember how I got here, and I don't want to remember what they did to me.

_~I left the house and got to the site outlined by the mission perimeters well enough, hid my Gundam, and enrolled in the school there under the name of Aladdin Suhane, appropriate for my Arabic heritage. The school accepted my enrollment well enough, not suspecting a thing. You see, there is a base across the lake, it's an OZ mobile suit manufacturing base, as this school being an OZ funded one I assumed it got its money from the base.~_

~The first couple days there went fine, I realized though, that this was going to take longer than I thought. In an effort to hurry up the mission, I infiltrated the base a little earlier than was requested in the mission perimeters. Lucky for me, that part was easy, the OZ facility had many trucks coming and going on a regular basis so it was nothing to sneak into one. Though, I had very close call when only a burlap sack lay between me and an OZ soldier. What my father would say if he had seen me hiding under that sack, on my hands and knees like a rat. The soldier left though, and I managed to knock out two others and steal their uniforms on my way out of the storage bay. My mission was simple, get into the main computer room, set some explosives, get into the mobile suit area, set some explosives, run like hell and press the detonation button. I ran down the cold hallway and my heart beat faster as I heard shouts behind me, the two unconscious soldiers had been found. I pushed myself to go faster and killed a guard in my way as I turned down what I remembered to be the hall that lead to the mobile suit storage area. I had memorized a map before coming here, always wanting to be the best prepared in case, Allah forbid, something goes wrong and I have to make a hasty retreat. I couldn't wait to get back 'home' to the safe house, if you could really call it a home. But what else am I supposed to call it, the Gundam pilots don't have a home really, so I took it upon myself to make them feel as comfortable as possible between missions. Moving from safehouse to safehouse occasionally got annoying, especially when you get used to one or another being a sort of home.~

_~I shouldered through the door to the storage area and shot two guards before running straight down the middle of a mobile suit line and throwing explosives randomly as I went. I dodged shots that were coming from my right and ran out the other door. I stopped for approximately three seconds to start the countdown for the explosives and re-asses my surroundings. calling up the map in my head and, right beside that, picturing my beloved's face. Urging me to go on and hurry home. A smile flitted across my face as I once again began to run.~_

~I heard the guards in front of me before I saw them. I had just set some more explosives in the main computer room and was bootin' it outta there as fast as I could. I had fifteen seconds left before the base went up in a very big ball of fire. I turned the corner, even though I knew the guards were there, there was no other way for me to go. The door, according to my memorized map, which hadn't failed me yet, was only 100 feet or so down this hallway. I almost stopped in my tracks when I saw 20 soldiers in front of me, I had been expecting, at most, ten...and here they were, doubled. I still have no idea how I picked up such colourful Chinese curses, but I'm assuming it comes from spending too much time around WuFei. In one fluid movement, I skidded to a complete stop, unhitched a grenade from my belt, and threw it at the group in front of me, yelling 'catch!' before I ducked into a doorway. I checked my time, ten seconds left. I heard the bang and peeked around the corner. It was an almost clear path to the door, I was getting through this easier than I thought. Duo's face suddenly flashed through my mind, he winked at me and blew me a kiss. I chuckled as I sprinted out the door.~

~I checked my location, outside an exactly where I expected to be. Not ten feet in front of me was the fence I had to clear for freedom. Five seconds left. I shot up the seven-foot fence as fast as I could and scrambled over the barbed wire, getting a few good-size gashes on the way and tearing some of my clothes. I landed in an uncerimonial heap on the other side and jumped up to sprint for the lake. I could duck underwater and hold my breath until the worst of the explosion passed. If I swam out, I could be at least 50 feet away from the shore, safe by 20 feet. I checked my watch as I started to run, six seconds left. Six, I thought, it was five before I was over the fence. Kuso!!! My head whipped around just in time to see the beginnings of the explosion work it's way through the base. The fire was lashing out and heading right for me, I needed to be at least another ten feet away, the lake was right in front of me. I ran for it and jumped just as I felt the heat on my back. I don't know if I made the lake or not, because I blacked out at that point.~

~The next time I woke up I was in this very same cell. There were four soldiers in front of me. I tried to move but I was chained to something, a bed. Not a very comfortable bed. More like a straw pad on a frame. The soldiers were sneering at me and making jokes about the famed 'Gundam brats'. They then advanced on me...I remember what they did, and I still keep trying to forget. It hurts too much...both mentally and physically.~

The man is looking down a me still. I'd like to reach up and wrap these damned chains around his thick neck. Unfortunately, that would take Duo's skill with lock-picking. He did teach me some stuff, but I've been working on these locks for what I think might be around three months and still couldn't figure it out. Between when I blacked out from the pain, hunger, or blood loss, I lost track of time. Instead of wrapping the chains around his neck, I slipped the lock pick out of its hiding place in the sheets and set to work. I was going to get out of here this time, and kill these fucking bastards. I knew they had my Gundam in here somewhere, and I intended to find it, blow up this base, and go home to see the only thing that kept me alive over these weeks, months, years, or whatever the hell they'd been.

"Ready for another go my angel?" The man sneered at me. I spat in his face, at a loss for anything else to do. This man had no right to call me that. Tears welled up in my eyes, that's what Duo called me.

This was the last straw. There's no way I'm going to let this kuso yaro fuck me. My throat was raw from screaming and my stomach had given up grumbling for pain. My clothes were gone, all thrown over in the corner, ripped, burned, and covered with blood, and other bodily fluids from the first time I had been woken up. I smelled, my wrists were bleeding from the shackles around them, I had scratches and welts all over my body. Some of the burns I had received from the explosion hadn't had the chance to heal, and my hands were still torn and infected from the barbed wire. I assumed I had a concussion as well, from my constant headaches and the blacking out. I knew if I didn't go before I blacked out again, there was a good chance I wouldn't wake up. 

I worked more frantically with the lock pick and heard a satisfying click. The click I had been waiting for for what seemed to be eternity. The small click that was anything but insignificant and signaled my freedom like church bells on a Sunday morning. With freedom came a new serge of hope, and renewed energy.

The officer, whose hand was pulled back for a blow, froze. Apparently he too had heard that click. I smirked as I sat up and brought my arms around in front of me as quickly as I could. The chains were held in my fists and soon were wrapped around his neck. He had no time to scream before his neck was broken and he soon laid dead on his feet. You see, I hooked the chains up over the low rafters in my cell as soon as I untied my feet. Now, I'm usually not this violent, but I figured Allah would forgive me for this, seeing as what hell I went through for the last while.

I rooted through the mans' clothing and my findings make me smile. A gun, extra ammo, keys, and a half eaten twinkie. The gods were favoring me well. They damned well better be, I thought, after what I've been through I'm surprised I still haven't gone zero. I looked back at the man, now swaying in the chill breeze that came through an upper window. Ok, I thought while stuffing the rest of the twinkie in my mouth, maybe I have gone zero, but they deserve it.

I gather my clothes and get dressed as best I can, taking care to avoid my wounds, which were bleeding again from the attack. I unlocked my cell door and checked the halls. No one was in my sight range. It figures though, that officer probably sent them all on an errand so they wouldn't hear me screaming. I take off down the hall and begin the search for my Gundam.


	4. Chapter 4

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Chapter 4

I opened yet another door in my attempt to locate Sandrock and swore as a bullet zoomed past my head. There were guards in said room. I ducked as another bullet come my way and ran for the other side of the hanger. I could see mobile suits everywhere, Taurus, Leos...and even some Virgos. I dodge some more bullets and cut a corner. A shadow looms in front of me.

I mutter a silent thank you to Allah as I gaze up into the face of my Gundam. There it stood, like it was sent from heaven. I know I'm over reacting, but I've been through a lot. 

Shots ring past my head and one grazes my leg. I swear quietly and duck behind Sandrocks' foot, firing back and killing the three guards. I hit the ground switch for the cockpit and my lifeline comes out even before the platform's fully opened. I grab it and am lifted up the length of my Gundam, who is peering ominously at the soldiers below me. A couple shots fire around me, making a soft 'ping' as the Gundanium reflects them. I fire back, missing for the most part, as my good arm's holding the cable pulling me up. I hop into the cockpit of Sandrock and close the platform.

Once enveloped in the familiar confines of my Gundam my thoughts focus. All fear, pain, and distress that I'm feeling flow to the front of my mind as each of the Gundams interior lights flicker on. I turn those feelings against the now shouting people outside. I can see them now, through the vid screen, scrambling and scurrying like the insects they are. They're way below me, where they belong, and nothing, nothing is ever going to let them rise. They'll die for the pain they've caused me. 

Look at them, running for the mobile suits, like that's going to stop me. Everyone knows a Gundam plus a Leo, Virgo, Taurus, or Aries equals a pile of scrap and said Gundam. But everyone thinks that they'll be the one to stop me, to kill me with a puny piece of material like those I see below me.

I chuckle coldly as Sandrock lifts his head. "What do you think buddy, time to exterminate those bugs?" I ask him. I can feel the green glow of the control panel across my face. People look up at the Gundam as I speak to it. The outside speakers are on. Good then, I think, they'll be able to hear me laugh as I squash them like bugs. 

Sandrock and I are one, and I laugh coldly as Sandrock lifts his feet, an extension of me, and brings it down on a scattering of soldiers. They scream and my cold laugh rings through the building. My scimitars slice through the suits in font of me. A moment of silence is heard before a ball of fire erupts around me, blowing away the wall of the hanger. Walking through the fire, I step into the sunlight of the outside world. I hear a faint buzzing above me, like that of an annoying mosquito before it's smacked into oblivion. 

My scimitars come up and slice that mosquito-Aries in half. I shoot around me at everything that's caused me so much pain. Fire comes from everywhere, the fires of Hell taking back the rogue souls that escaped them. I can hear screams and the clanging of metal through the roaring blaze, I laugh loudly. Loud enough so that the souls, when escorted to Hell, get whipped for disrupting the devil.

I look around me, all that lies here are piles of rubble that used to be mobile suits, and what looks like the charred remains of many people. I shake my head, trying to get rid of the familiar feeling. Familiar from when though? I think back, and I can't remember when else I've had this feeling. Was it me who destroyed everything here? I'm not capable of such an amount of destruction. The only other time I've come close to this, I think as a flash of the Colony I destroyed is laid over the pile of rubble in front of me, the only other time......

Realization hit me and my hand slams down on the hatch-release button. I scramble out and fall to my knees on the platform, almost toppling off as I retch onto the ground far below me. Tears seep from my eyes and I'm soon sobbing uncontrollably on the edge of my Gundams' platform. I stop as I'm about to throw myself into oblivion. Duo's face flashes before me, smiling and encouraging. The magnetic message appears behind him, the gaudy colours expressing his love for me. The face of my beloved turns somber, worry shows through those expressive eyes. He's mouthing something, I recognize my name. A hot pain slices through my chest, grief and sorrow tenfold of whatever I've felt before. I clutch my chest and shift to a sitting position the pain fades, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand and the tears with my other. A look of determination comes over my features and I stand, turning to enter Sandrock again. As I start up the engine one thought enters my mind.

I'll make it home to my love, war or no war. I'll always be with him. 


	5. Chapter 5

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Chapter 5

I tap around on the screens in my Gundam, looking for anything the technicians at that damned base may've done to Sandrock as I navigate in the direction of a heavy forest. I find nothing and happily check the system updates. Only three are there, two seem to be as a notice and archive of missions from pilot 01 and 03. Seems they had a mission while I was gone. I check the parameters and feel a bit guilty to know that I was supposed to've been in Trowa's place on that mission.

"Well Sandrock," I mumble as I concentrate on checking updates and controlling the Gundam, "there's nothing to be done about that now. I best land you soon, before I pass out from lack of everything that isn't pain, ne bud?" 

Oh dear, I think to myself and shake my head ruefully, I'm starting to sound like Duo. I blink twice, trying to clear the double vision that was caused when I shook my head, not the smartest thing to do. 

I go back to checking the reports and find that the safe house has moved, but not far from its last location. In fact, only about 5 kilometers west of that. Reading more, I find it was supposed to be relocated farther away, 300 k's in fact. A tear runs down my cheek as I realize the most likely reason the move was delayed: Duo put up a fuss about possibly leaving me behind. He must've because that's the only way they would've stayed there. Heero had always had a soft spot for the braided pilot, most likely thought of him as someone else he needed to protect. But Duo and Heero would never get into a relationship that consisted of anything more than friends. They'd be at each other's throats in a heartbeat. Heero liked to be in control all the time, as well as Duo. Well, I correct myself, Duo doesn't always like being in control, we switch sometimes, but never being in any control would irk him very much, and there was no way in Hell that Heero would let Duo be dominate in anything. It would just end up in one big fight with both of them most likely ending up in the hospital. 

I drag my attention away from my thoughts and scan the land below me for a good place to hide Sandrock and myself for a night. There was no way I'd make it home alive if I didn't take care of my injuries and hunger. I swear I can smell the provisions in the storage box, even though I know it's got to be physically impossible. As much as I want to make it home to my beloved, I know it'll be better if I get myself fixed up and healed first. Duo would go on a mass murdering spree if he knew what I'd been through, I've no doubt about that. I've got to make myself look a little more presentable for my koi's welfare. 

I land Sandrock and turn on the radar so I won't be taken by surprise if anything's out looking for me. Opening the hatch I walk out onto the platform and stretch my legs, opting for fresh air before anything else. After being locked in a cell for one day short of four months I cherish fresh air instead of the smells of mold, grime, sweat, blood and all the possible bodily fluids one can emit. My stomach grumbles at me quite loudly and I almost double over from the pain. It would obviously be best to get some food into myself before I pass out, and in case of another battle. 

I head back into Sandrock and rifle through the storage box in the floor. Pulling out blankets, pillows, a gas stove, cans of food, beef jerky, a pocket knife, some tools, a radio, water, and a first-aid kit. I find something left in the bottom corner of the storage box. I pick it up and realize with a smile that it's a box of my favorite chocolates. I quickly open the box and find a note inside, written with my koi's distinctive handwriting. All thoughts of food are temporarily pushed aside in favor of this note. Though it's only written on a green sticky-note, and has a few chocolate stains around the outside, it seems like the best thing I've seen in a long while. 

'Oi Q-koi, I thought you'd like a box of your favorite chocolates for your mission. Ain't I the best guy around? I even ate the kind you don't like and replaced 'em with the kind you do from another box that's waitin for you at home, but only if you eat all these first. Come back to me soon my lil, Angel. ~Shinigami '

My eyes burn with tears and I let go then. All the emotions of sadness that took over when I went Zero race up on me now and reduce me to a sobbing heap on the floor of my Gundam, wrapped up in one of the few blankets that Sandrock had to offer me. I place the lid back on the chocolates, but keep the note in my hand, crumpled and tear-stained, as I curl up into a ball and sob. 

I wake up with a start and whip my head up to check my surroundings. I realize I'm no longer in the cell as I recognize Sandrocks' interior. I check the clock, 10:00 pm. Meaning I got a nice three hour nap before something woke me up. Something had to've woken me up, usually I sleep for as long as I need to unless something wakes me up, whether it be a dream, an Oz fleet, or Duo. I don't mind the latter too much, but I do mind the Oz groupies on my tail before I've even eaten anything. I pull myself to my feet and check the navigation unit. Indeed, three Oz Aries are headed this way, I'm assuming that they're scouts for a bigger group out there somewhere. I curse silently and watch the screen intently, hoping that the cloaking device Duo helped me install on Sandrock works as well as he said it would. The Aries get within 25 kilometers before turning away, north-east of where I am, an scanning another area. I sigh in relief and then collapse to the floor in pain as my stomach demands to be fed.

I comply as quickly as I can, rummaging around the pile of stuff I left on the floor and coming up some of the beef jerky in about .5 seconds flat. I practically tear through the carefully wrapped package and eat the whole thing. Realizing my mistake a little too late, I lean on the back of the flight chair as a sea of nausea overcomes me. You see, after going a long time with very little food, its not best to eat something that quickly because your stomach won't be used to it. 

I close my eyes and take a swig from the bottle of water. It makes me feel better and the nausea passes. I realize now, I should've eaten as soon as I got the chance, the nap could've waited. I mean, what if the Aries hadn't turned away, would I've been strong enough to fight them? I still don't know, but I'm glad I get a chance now, however small it is, to take care of myself before I have to find that small squad and destroy them. 

I force myself to eat another stick of jerky slowly, as I use the knife to cut off the top of a can of stew and place it over the gas stove, waiting for it to heat up. I wince as using the knife causes my hand to start bleeding again because of some of the old barbed wire gashes that never completely healed.

I silently curse myself as I root around through the piles on the floor. The red cross on the med kit catches my attention and I snatch it from under a stack of food cans. I flip open the lid and begin to tend to my injuries. All in all, I'm surprised by the lack of severity of them. Burns, those are taken care of easily. Scratches and cuts, same with those. Only the gash where the bullet grazed me needs stitches, and only eight. Other than that, I'm full of bruises. I wince as I realize I'm going to have to stitch myself up, I'm not very good at that sort of thing. Heero's the one with the exceptional control of pain, not me. It's gonna hurt...like a bitch.

I finish cleaning my wounds, the antiseptic burns but I can deal with it. This stuff was given to me by Heero, made by Dr. J. Now usually I don't trust the doctors worth a damn, but Heero said this stuff's really good at fighting off infection and heals it more quickly than anything they have in hospitals. The bottle's only been used once before, for a gash on my arm that left a scar, but without it I think I would've taken another three weeks to heal completely. Basically, this stuff burns like hell, but it works. The bandages are a lot easier to put on, and I'm done with those in about a half hour. My wrists only slightly bandaged, to allow for maximum maneuverability, I reach for the things for the stitches and bite another roll of gauze to keep from making to much noise as the needle slides through my skin. I go as quickly as possible without being sloppy, and have eight neat stitches. I spit out the gauze and immediately pop some painkillers, wiping the sweat from my forehead. My stomach rumbles again, though not as bad as before, and I remember the soup I had been heating up. I grab it and curse as I burn my hand.

"Great, another burn." I mutter and stick my fingers in my mouth. The burn isn't bad and I use a blanket as an oven mitt after I turn off the gas stove. I plop down in my pilot chair and munch on the stew as I reorganize the files in Sandrocks' database. I come to realize that it'll take a while to get home as my eyes go over the radar systems. I'm 200 kilometers from the base I blew up. Well, I correct myself, the one I'm pretty sure got blown up. They must've moved me...that means it'll take me at least—I do the mental calculations—nine hours to get to the latest safe house. I grumble about the long trip I'm going to have ahead of me and decide to fly back to the Oz base tomorrow morning to 'borrow' a carrier...well, if there're any left.

I put the empty can of stew in the garbage disposal and put everything back into the storage box, leaving out the radio, a blanket, and a pillow. I push the button for the platform to open and am somewhat shocked when I see snow falling before I remember that it's February after all, and snow's a common occurrence. I probably didn't realize it sooner because of the problems I was having. I grumble again and close the platform. There went my ideas for sleeping under the stars. 

The pillow lands on the chair with a _'bwat' _and I follow it, curling up in the blanket and turning the radio on the a classical station to calm my nerves. I recheck Sandrocks' radar and curl up in the blanket before falling asleep thinking of my violet eyed koi.


	6. Chapter 6

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Chapter 6

The sun's up. The air's fresh. The ground is littered with a fresh blanket of snow and various pieces of what used to be Aries. I'm happy as ever, though a bit hungry and my back hurts like hell from sleeping in this chair. But I'll be fine, the Aries were taken care of, it's 8:00 am, and all I have to do is borrow a carrier and fly home. I'm in a good mood.

I hide Sandrock and make myself something to eat. Baked beans this morning, yum...really. Ok, so maybe the food I've got isn't the best ever, I'll fix it when I get back. 

I check over my wounds and find most of them healing quite nicely now that I've had time to care for them properly. None of them should be too serious. _Maybe I should stop by Ms. Sally's to get her to check me out before I head home..._

The thought is quickly dismissed as a pang of longing for a certain braided one hits me right square in the chest. "Damn this empathy...." I mutter as I clean up a bit and situate myself in the pilot-seat, starting Sandrock and moving him in the direction of the Oz base I had escaped from. _Sure,_ I think somewhat bitterly,_ it helps me out a ton, but it also drives me to be a sentimental baka half the time..._

I grumble to myself as I realize just how much I'm beginning to resemble my koi. _Oh drat him, drat his beautiful heathen ass...I'll defiantly have something to take up with him when I get back._

The Oz base looms in front of me. Well, _parts _of the Oz base..._There's the control tower_, I smile, as it's at least 80 ft. from its' original position, and in a couple million more pieces._ There's the soldiers barracks, there's part of the 'holding cells'..._

'Crunch' Sandrocks' foot steps on the afor mentioned piece of Oz base, effectively destroying it even more, _More like dungeon. 'Holding cell' Sandrocks' foot... _I deliberately punctuate my thoughts with a couple more good stomps on the remaining pieces of rubble. _Overkill... _some part in my mind mutters at me. I ignore the fact that I've developed an alternate personality and promptly shoot back, _So what? Overkill is good, I like overkill! _The thought is punctuated once more, by another good stomp. _I'd be doing Duo proud, all I need now is to utter some maniacal laughter and..._I stop the thought for two reasons: One, the pang of longing that hit me once more, and the next, I am really and truly starting to scare myself here. 

"Ok," I decide talking out loud is better then attempting to argue with my head, "mission parameters: attempt to location standard issue Oz craft carrier in working order with a moderate amount of fuel supply." Looking around, I decide to try to opposite side of the base, it suffering slightly less damage. 

***

The sounds of the engine calm me slightly. The carrier was relatively easy to find and needed only a few repairs, taking about three hours at most with the tools I had in Sandrock. I was actually not expecting to find a carrier left, with all the destruction I only half remember causing. The only hitch in the plans so far were the three Aries that showed up just as I found the carrier. They were dispatched of quickly though, and I made a quick getaway, knowing that they had probably informed someone of my whereabouts.

"Only an hour to go Sandrock," I say over my shoulder, "We'll be home soon. You can do whatever Gundams do when left alone with other Gundams," I make a mental note to ponder over this at a later time, "and I can pounce on my Du-koi." I smile at the hentai thoughts that race through my mind at the mention of my koi. The longing is getting better now that I'm getting home for sure, and it's turned into a different kind of longing...which is getting steadily worse. _Though, _I think to myself, _that's gotta be a good thing..._

I try to direct my thoughts to something besides my koi hot and sweaty above me, hair undone and —_Not working!!! _I mentally reprimand myself as I feel my pants tighten. "The mission..." I mumble, trying to keep myself away from those thoughts, "Ok, they're a lil bit off from where the last safehouse was, that's Ok, I know where it is." I check the clock by the controls, "Half hour more, will live through it. Gundams are in warehouse an hour out of town, along with transportation. Carrier can be landed and stored in warehouse for further use..." I glance at the clock again, noticing the date it displays. February 14th, 2:04 pm.

_Ah, kuso! It's Valentines Day...I need to get him a present!_


	7. Chapter 7

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Chapter 7

I knock on the door of the newest safe house, the thorns of the rose I hold softly biting into my skin, 'I hope I got this address right.' I think to myself as I see the doorknob turn. My heart beats faster, Duo's the only one who could be home, Trowa and Heero are out on a mission, and WuFei's out on a solo. The knob stops, there's a pause, and then the door swings open and I find myself staring down the barrel of a .45.

"Qu-Quatre?!" Comes the startled reply from my koi, violet eye wide.

"Hai," I grin at him, "Nice way to greet your koi, a gun in the face."

"G-Gomen nasai!" He drops the gun and ushers me through the door, instantly claiming my mouth with his. I melt into the kiss, 'this is what I need, it'll make me forget.' We break apart finally.

"Where've you been? I missed you koi! I thought you might be hurt!!! I even thought you might not come back to me for awhile!!! What were you thinking disappearing for so long?!? I love you and never do that to me again!!!" I babble nonstop. He puts a finger to my mouth to shush me and hands me a rose. Funny, he manages to put his needs aside for me, just to go out of his way and give me this one flower...

"I'll explain it all later. Happy Valentines Day Duo!"

***

We basically run into the bedroom and slam the door, him pressing me into it, body close to mine. I felt a euphoria settle around me. I was where I belonged, where I was supposed to be. The Oz soldiers were a distant memory to me now. What happened could be dealt with later, I want to enjoy this moment and show my koi just how much I missed him, though it is hard to think with his tongue lapping at my collar bone.

He moves up to nibble at my ear, breathing softly as he does so. It sends delightful shivers down my spine, like always. He knew what I liked.

I run my hands over his chest and shoulders, undoing shirt buttons as I go and savoring the feel of his smooth warm skin under my hands. I can feel his heart beating fast, and I know mine is too. It almost makes me cry as I realize how much I missed just feeling that steady beat, knowing, as Duo had so plainly put it to Doctor G, that 'This heart's beating for Quatre. War can take a number, _he _is my reason for living.'

Duo must have sensed something because he stopped his onslaught on my ear and looked at me, using his forehead to push my head up.

Amethyst eyes stare into mine, and all I see is love and understanding. A silent question laid in those swirling depths of passion-clouded violet, and I could see masked worry.

"Do you want to stop?"

_Do I want to stop? I've been away from him for so long, it feels like there's a piece missing inside of me , and an overwhelming longing to be with him again and never leave. Do I want to stop? No._

I pull him forward for a fierce kiss, surprising him at first. He pants as we part and my hands snake down his toned back as I lean into him and trail my tongue down the outside of his ear, breathing a firm "No." and emphasizing it by grabbing his hips and grinding our erections together.

He throws his head back and moans, low and sexy, and it goes straight to my cock. He growls and claims my mouth, our tongue battling for dominance .

I hardly notice when my shirt goes missing and I end up in front of the bed, still without ending the kiss.

The kiss does break, and he immediately trails more soft ones down my neck, letting his tongue trace my collarbone once more before pushing lightly on my shoulders. I thankfully lie down on the bed, I'm not sure I could've managed standing much longer.

Duo leans over me and continues his assault down my chest while I moan in pleasure.

***

Quatre lays down on the bed when I push lightly on his shoulders. I can sense his strength is giving out, and besides, it's more fun if he's laying down.

I continue kissing down his chest, mentally taking note of any injuries I find. I _will _even the score on those damn Ozzies when I find out what happened. They will _bleed _for whatever they did to my Angel...

A soft moan from my koi brings me back to my senses and I let my bangs brush across his chest as my tongue circles a nipple. My hand moves to gently pinch and tease the left rosy bud as my mouth descends on the right one. God, he tastes so good! I didn't realize just how addictive the taste of an Angel can be. Does that make me a cannibal? Naw, I think, Vampire sounds sexier. And I emphasize this though by lightly nipping the bud in my mouth.

Already wreathing underneath me, he lets out a gasp and arched up. I smirk and continue my trail of kisses down his abdomen, letting my tongue dip and tease his navel before tracing the top of his pants.

He tries to buck up but I have my hands on his hips, gently holding him down. Using a trick I learned, I undo his pants with my teeth and slowly, _slowly _lower the zipper.

***

I feel my koi's hot breath on y erection and whimper softly. As hard as I try to forget what the Oz officers did to me, it keeps coming back every time Duo stops his ministrations.

I gasp when I feel his tongue run up the underside of my cock and my gasp turns into a moan when it starts to circle the head.

I can't help myself and scream when he takes me fully into his mouth, sending sparks of pleasure coursing through my tired body. I close my eyes and clutch the sheets on either side of me, moans and gasps escaping my lips.

***

"Ah! Duo!" Quatre yells, and I feel him tense underneath me. I moan softly as he releases his seed into my mouth and continue sucking his softening member.

Moving up beside him I kiss him softly on the neck, his eyes are closed and he's panting slightly. God, he looks so beautiful.

I lean up and softly kiss the Angel beside me, maybe selfishly wanting to taste his beauty for myself. I put all the love I can into the kiss, not trying to dominate him, just trying my hardest to let him know exactly how I feel.

***

Still calming down from the mind-shattering climax I just reached, I feel soft lips on my neck as I try to regain my breath.

His lips disappear for a scant few seconds and all I can remember are the Oz soldiers faces as I lay chained to the cot.

Suddenly I find myself being kissed. Not urgency, but loving and happiness are what is expressed. I feel a warmth wash over me from head to toe, more emotional than physical this time, as the body lying close next to me smiles softly against my lips.

I can't help it but tears escape from my eyes.


	8. Chapter 8

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Chapter 8

As I finally pull away form him I trace his lips with my fingers, run my hand over the softness of his cheek. I love him so much it hurts, and there have been times where I have actually gotten frustrated because I was unable to express it. Even with all the words in the world, every language, none could describe my love for this Angel, or the Angels' beauty.

I stop when I see his tears. Fear grips me momentarily as a thought passes through my head.

"Quatre! Are you Ok?" I ask softly, though I can hear worry in my voice. "Did I hurt you? Are you all right?" I ask frantically. I want to hold him and tell him everything will be Ok, but I'm not sure what's wrong. I'm almost hysterical with worry, he's begun to sob quietly and turn away from me.

"Quatre, I'm sorry! Whatever I did, I'm so sorry!" propping myself up on my elbow I put a hand on his shoulder, peering at him worridly. "I didn't mean to hurt you! Did I?" I brush his golden bangs back from his face and he turns his head into the pillow. "Oh Quatre, please...please tell me what's wrong..."

***

He's so worried about me. I want to tell him what happened but I'm not sure how he'll take it. I don't know if he'll even want to touch me after he finds out, Hell, I don't even want to touch me.

I scramble up off the bed and pull my pants up as I try to make my way to the bathroom. He won't want to touch me anymore, he won't want to hold me, he won't want to love me since I've been claimed by the enemy.

"Quatre! What's wrong?!" Duo yells after me and I hear him scrambling to get up and follow me. I slam the bathroom door and lock it in a vain hope to keep him away.

***

The slamming of the door echoes the sound of my body hitting the floor, legs wound in the sheets. I extract myself from their grasp in time to hear the door lock. Like it would stop me, I think as I stumble over. I can hear Quatre sobbing inside, the water running as well.

"Quatre, tell me what's wrong." I ask gently. I'm greeted by silence.

"Please tell me. You locked the door to keep me out, you know it won't work if I really need to come in."

"No, don;t!" Quatre yells, and I feel him leaning against the door.

"I won't if you tell me what's wrong."

"F-fine." He says. He sounds so scared it pulls at my heart and I would knock the door down to comfort him had I not said I wouldn't.

"Ok, first, did I do something?" I ask quietly, dreading, yet needing to know the answer. "If I did something to hurt you..." I trail off and squeeze my eyes shut. How could I live with myself if I ha caused my Angel pain?

***

He's so concerned about me...

"If I did something to hurt you..."

He trails off. How can he think he's hurt me? My god, my Duo, I know he never would, but he cares so much.

"N-no Duo." I stutter between sobs. I shouldn't say his name, I'm not worth even that much anymore. I can hear him sigh in relief.

"Thank god."

I hear him slide down the door and can tell he's probably in the same position as I'm in, sitting and waiting. I'm waiting for him to reject me, and show disgust, and him? He's probably waiting to find out what's wrong.

"Well then tell me Angel," he says softly, "tell me what has you so sad. What it is that's making you so upset."

Yup, waiting to find out what's wrong. I sigh and shift to lean against the cool porcelain side of the bathtub, the running water soothing me a little. "You won't want me if you know." I mumble quietly, half hoping he doesn't hear. I reach behind me and grab the sponge, dipping it in the water and scrubbing violently at my skin. Maybe if I wash enough I'll stop feeling so dirty.

***

I press my ear to the door when I realize he's changed position.

"You won't want me if you know." He says quietly.

Me not want him? Is he worried about me rejecting him if I find out what happened? What could possibly have him thinking something like that? I don't ever lie, and I told him I'd always be there for him if he needed me, when he needed me. Even if he only wanted friendship, I'd do whatever it took to make him happy. Did he fail the mission? Or did he accidentally kill a civilian? What could—

I hear splashing.

"Quatre, what're doing?" I ask softly, worried about my lover.

"Making myself clean." I almost don't hear it. "If I'm clean then it'll go away. I'll forget and you'll love me."

I blink. "I do love you!" I tell him quietly, putting all the meaning I can into the words. "I don't lie, and I'm telling you I love you. I always will, no matter what you do. So whatever's happened, it won't matter because I'll still love you, even if..." I falter as the thought strikes me, "even if you don't love me back."

The splashing stops and I hear him move again, leaning against the door.

"I love you too, and I know," I hear him say softly, slightly muffled because of this barrier, "I know you love me. But you won't." He sound bitter. "You won't, not after what's happened." He shifts again and the splashing resumes.

"Tell me..." I urge softly.

"You'll hate me."

I can tell he's not going to talk. Guessing never was a strong point of mine. "I could never hate you, ever. Now, if you won;t tell I'll be forced to guess." I hear him sniff and more splashing, "Did something go wrong in the mission?"

"Yes." He admits quietly.

"What went wrong?"

Silence..."I-I was captured."

"Is that what has you worked up?" I don't believe that could be it, something else must have happened. We've all been captured at one point or another. "What happened while you were captured?"

Greeted by silence once more, though the sobbing returns. 

Could it be that—? I know the only people he's ever been with were Trowa and myself, so could it be that when he was captured the officers...?

Everything clicks into place with a startling bang. That's why he feels dirty, the reason he thinks I won't love him, why he's trying to wash the feeling away. Oh god, I should have seen it sooner!

I'm torn between running out the door in a rage and blowing up the bastards that did this, as well as all their Ozzie friends, and tearing down the door to comfort my Angel. Neither one would get me very good results. On one hand he'd think I had abandoned him, on the other, I may scare him. There are few times in life where I don't know what to do. This is one of them. The sobbing gets my attention again.

"Angel, while you were there, did the officers...they..." I trail off again, not knowing how to put it delicately enough.

"Y-yes..." he says softly.

"My god! I'll kill them!" I explode. Hearing him confirm it just make me even madder at those low ranking excuses for human life. I'm on my feet and pacing, never going more than a foot from the door.

"When I get my hands on them I'll tear them apart so slowly that they'll hear every last one of their nerves, their muscles, their _cells_, scream for mercy!" I stop by the door and lean my head on the wood surface in an attempt to calm myself down, my hands in fists on either side of me.

"Quatre?" I ask quietly, I'm answered with sniffles. "I'm not mad at you Quatre, you couldn't help it." I sigh and turn around, frantically finishing through my braid for a lock pick.

"Yes I could've..." he answers quietly. "I'm sorry it took so long for me, but I was trying to pick the lock...I was trying so hard for the longest time, but they just kept coming. I couldn't fight them after a while and I had to stop resisting so I could stay awake and have more time to try before...before they came back." He dries quietly. "I'm so sorry! This is why you won't want to touch me...it's my fault."

I stop, my back facing the door. I'll have to tell him. Something I've never told anyone else but my oldest friend, who took the secret to his grave when he fell ill. It was never something I was proud of, but I knew I had to do it to get food for the rest of us...

I turn back around, my hands falling to my sides again as I lean against the door and once more slide to the bottom.

"Quatre...I—I have to tell you something." I rest my head on the wood behind me, keeping my eyes closed in an effort to hold back the tears that are threatening to reappear. "First off, I know what you're going through...it's happened to me before too."


	9. Chapter 9

****

Chapter 9

"It's happened to me before too."

That statement causes my sobs to quit, if only for the moment. He's been through the same thing? Maybe...maybe he'll not stop loving me...

I move closer to the door as he sighs and his voice comes through again, heavier, like he;s trying to recount it without feeling it.

"When I was younger, way before I met G, I lived on the streets. You knew this, didn't you?"

I nod, then realize he can't see me. "Uh-huh."

"A group of us lived on L2. Me'n Solo and the gang. Solo was my best friend, he was the leader of our group. We'd go out together, him and me, and sometimes the rest of the group, and steal food for everyone. He'd always make sure everyone else had their fill, sometimes not even eating any of what he stole. He got sick after a while, like a lot of the kids did. It was cold out, and both of us figured it was just the flu. But, it...it just kept getting worse. Weeks went by, and I couldn't leave his side, sending the other kids out to get the food. I was afraid I'd lose him."

A shaky sigh comes from the other side of the door. I've never heard any of this before...I knew he lived on the streets, and all of us know about the Maxwell Church...but this is something he's kept inside all this time.

"I found out that it wasn't the flu, it was the plague. I heard some officers talkin' about it one of the rare times I came back from gettin' medicine for the other kids. It seems the whole colony was having an outbreak. But, there was a vaccine, a cure. I listened to 'em talk for hours, outside under the window in the snow, until I found out where it was. I went there that night—Solo was only gettin' worse—and stole enough for the whole lot of us kids. In short, Solo wouldn't take it, said he was too far gone anyway, and he died later that morning."

I hear him take another shaky breath as he continues. His speech was getting more halting, and he was speaking with more slang, something he only ever did when he was mad, or recalling something from his days on the street.

"From then on I was their leader. This was, we had spent so much time, all of us inside 'cause of the cold and the sickness, that we had no food. With only the rich people being able to afford the cure, a lot of other people where bed-ridden too, leavin' shops closed and the like. We all needed food and t seemed the only way to get it was to get money. Me, bein' the oldest and now their leader and all, I too it upon myself to find ways to get money. I tried beggin' and stealin', but there weren't enough on the street for me to get a dime. I had one choice left, something Solo had only ever done once for all of us when things were the absolute worst. It killed him to do it, but it saved our group when he did, an' it looked like I'd have to do the same thing."

He coughed, which sounded suspiciously like a choked-back sob. There were a few moments of silence, me too afraid to break the mood of the boy that so rarely told anyone about his past, and him, I'm guessing, trying to get enough courage to go on.

"I—I went to the richer part of town, the part where people were still livin', and stood on the corner. Offerin' myself to people who passed until I got a customer. Sometimes they wouldn't pay, and they were never gentle. I had to do this for a long time to get us all through that winter, and I was never proud of what I did."

"Duo..."

***

"You see Quatre..." I turn my head so my cheek's against the door, trying to hold back the tears and bury the memories I had to dig up. "I know where you are right now, I know how you're feeling. But please," I bite my lip and pull myself to my feet, "please don't do what I did for so many years after that. Don't push others away..."

I stand here, face down and my eyes shut, hoping against hope he won't make the mistake I did. Knowing the pain he went through, feeling what he felt, and just plain remembering. "Let me in..." I whisper so softly I'm not even sure I heard it myself.

The next thing I know I have arms around my waist and a quietly sobbing, slightly damp mass snuggled onto my chest. I smile softly when I open my eyes to see my Angel clinging to me, and wrap my arms around him, holding him as tight as I can without worsening his injuries. I bury my head in his hair and finally let the tears I had been holding in for so many years, fall quietly as I join my love.


	10. Chapter 10

****

Chapter 10

"Maxwell!"

"Quiet, he's probably asleep. I'll check on him."

The three boys deposited their bags by the door, dirty, tired, and cranky. The Chinese boy made his way into the kitchen, intent on quenching his thirst before he started on his mission report. The green-eyed boy making a beeline for the washroom, headed for a shower no doubt. And the Japanese boy, searching out his depressed friend.

Ever since Quatre had disappeared, Duo and Heero had formed a closer bond, Heero looking out for his heart-broken partner when the others were more intent on fighting. True, the war was still raging on around them, missing comrade or not, but Heero had always lived by his emotions, and right now his heart was going out to his friend. After all, Quatre had brought Duo out of his shell, breaking down the mask the usually he himself was accused of having.

Heero had always been able to tell, if you looked really closely at those deep violet eyes when the American smiled, it would never truly reach them. Since Quatre and him had became lovers, the smiles were always genuine, and the self-proclaimed God of Death was happier.

When this love left him, Duo had been on an infinite spiral downwards, his only hope standing in the return of his friend and lover. He rarely slept, too busy crying, and he rarely talked, too busy trying not to cry. If he was truly asleep now, than he needed it. Heero's intent was only to make sure he was sleeping peacefully and was still breathing.

The site that greeted him when he opened the door almost floored the normally stoic pilot. He had to hold himself back from shouting to the others. On the bed in Duo's rather untidy room, lay Duo, happily asleep with the most peaceful smile Heero had ever seen on his fellow pilots' face. And in his arms lay and equally peaceful blonde-haired pilot that all but one of the rest of them had given up for dead. Yet, here he was, maybe a bit bruised and with a few injuries from what the cobalt-eyed boy could see, but none the worse for wear.

He let a rare smile grace his features as Duo stirred and pulled the blonde boy closer to him, mumbling something in his hair that Heero, in all his profound abilities, couldn't decipher.

He let the door close softly and walked back down the hall.

"So, you find him?" WuFei asked, finishing off his milk and leaning against the counter. He gave Heero a quizzical look when he saw the Japanese boys' expression.

"Hai, found them." Heero answered mechanically, mentally smirking as he retrieved himself a glass of water.

"Them?" WuFei asked, puzzled.

"Aa, and if either of you wake them omea wo korosue."

"You mean...?!" WuFei's eyes widened.

Heero nodded. "Quatre's back."


End file.
